If you've ever found yourself battling that harsh inner critic, you're not alone. For those of us living with mental health challenges, self-talk can often be our biggest obstacle. I’m no exception. Negative self-talk has been a constant companion in my life, and while it’s a habit I’m working to break, it’s not easy. Trust me, this is one of those posts I didn’t exactly want to write, because I know I’m still in the thick of it. But that’s also why I need to write it.
Over the last couple of months, I've definitely noticed that my self-talk is a bit more negative. I have been calling it my midlife crisis, because my mind is just EVERYWHERE and it likes to focus on all the negative thoughts about me and my life.
What is Self-Talk?
Self-talk is essentially the constant dialogue that runs through your mind. It can either be a gentle coach lifting you up or a harsh critic tearing you down. For those of us who deal with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or other mental health struggles, our self-talk tends to lean negative. We might find ourselves thinking, 'I’m not good enough,' or, 'I always mess things up.' But here’s the catch—just as self-talk can drag us down, it also has the power to lift us up when we re-frame it positively. By simply shifting a thought like, 'I can’t do this,' to 'I can handle this, one step at a time,' we begin to change the narrative in our minds.
And while it may seem simple, the power of reframing self-talk is well-documented. Studies show that positive self-talk improves resilience, reduces stress, and even enhances performance in difficult situations.
I know, easier said than done, right? But we’ve got this!
My Experience with Negative Self-Talk
Lately, I’ve been catching myself slipping back into old habits. As I approach 40, I can’t help but feel like I should have accomplished more by now. Society tends to have these invisible timelines—'by this age, you should have a career, a house, and everything figured out.' I work at a vape shop—don’t get me wrong, it’s a great job, but my mind keeps whispering that I should have a more 'impressive' career. It tells me I’m behind, that I’m not doing enough, and that voice can be relentless...RELENTLESS!
But here’s the thing: I’m learning to notice when that negative self-talk creeps in. That’s the first step toward changing it. It’s not about having all the answers or a perfect life; it’s about recognizing when I’m being unkind to myself and stopping that in its tracks.
The negative self-talk tends to hit hardest after a particularly bad day or when payday rolls around, and it feels like there’s always more month at the end of the money. I know I’m not alone in that struggle. It gets tough, and I get down on myself, even though deep down I know I’m doing my best. Sometimes, my best doesn’t feel like enough, but here’s the key: I don’t give up. I remind myself that my worth isn’t tied to how much I make or where I work—it’s in how I keep showing up for myself every day.
When I catch myself in that negative spiral, I often turn to affirmations that resonate with what I’m dealing with at the time. Whether it’s feeling behind in my career or grappling with self-doubt, I seek out words that uplift and encourage me. This practice helps to rewire my thoughts and reminds me that I have the power to create my own narrative.
That’s the key for me. What’s your key?"
Shifting Toward Positive Self-Talk
Recently, I've found a negative thought looping through my mind: "I am a failure at life." It’s easy to get caught in this mindset, especially when it feels like there are so many reasons to believe it. But deep down, I know these thoughts aren't true. One of the hardest but most powerful things I’ve learned is that once I notice the negative thought, I can start to change it. It’s not always easy, and sometimes it feels almost silly, but it works.
When I catch myself thinking, "I’ll never be successful," I stop and ask, "Is that really true?" Then I flip it around to something more realistic: "I am on my own journey, and success looks different for everyone." I am actively working towards a better life, even if it doesn't always seem that way to others. If I weren't committed to this journey, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now.
Using "I AM" affirmations can be incredibly beneficial in this process. Affirmations like "I am capable," "I am worthy," and "I am enough" help reinforce a positive self-image and counteract the negativity that tries to creep in. Recognizing this thought is an essential part of my process. When I catch myself slipping into that mindset, I remind myself of the progress I've made and the steps I’m taking toward my goals. Every effort counts, and it's important to celebrate the small victories along the way. After all, success isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about growth and persistence.
By re-framing this thought, I transform it into something more constructive: "I am on my journey, learning and evolving every day." This shift not only helps me combat negativity but also reinforces my commitment to my goals.
Self-Compassion: A Game Changer
Self-compassion is a term that gets thrown around a lot, but it’s been an absolute game changer for me. When I stopped expecting myself to be perfect and started treating myself with the same kindness I’d offer a friend, everything shifted. I no longer see setbacks as failures but as essential parts of my growth.
During a motorcycle trip with my boyfriend and our friend in August 2024, my mindset transformed from "just gonna struggle" to "I've got this. I will create the life I want and deserve." I don't know if it was just enjoying being with people who don't judge me for being me, the beauty of nature while camping, or the time to reflect on the motorcycle, something clicked. I can’t quite explain it, but I feel more motivated than ever.
If you're struggling with negative self-talk, remember that showing yourself compassion is one of the most healing things you can do. One way I practice self-compassion is by reminding myself that everyone's story is different. It’s not going to look the same as someone else's, and that’s perfectly alright. Plus, I don't know the struggles of those who appear to be thriving on the surface. What truly matters is that I focus on my journey to create a better life for myself.
I also keep in mind that many famous individuals didn't achieve recognition until after 40. I don’t aspire to fame, but this perspective reinforces that there’s no strict timeline for reaching my goals. If I want to work from home, spend more time with my baby, and travel, those are the aspirations I’ve been pursuing for at least a couple of years now.
Has it happened as quickly as I’d like? Absolutely not. But that’s alright! I’m actively taking steps and acquiring the education I need to become a better version of myself.
As we navigate our unique journeys, let’s remember to practice self-compassion. What does self-compassion look like for you? How do you remind yourself to stay focused on your path? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear from you!
Conclusion
Now, I want to hear from you! How do you handle negative self-talk? Do you have any tips or techniques that have helped you on your journey toward self-compassion? Whether it's a mantra you repeat or a practice you find grounding, please share in the comments here or connect with me on Instagram @shiftingthruchaos.
I’d genuinely love to hear more about your story! Remember, we’re all in this together, and it’s so important to have someone (or someones!) by your side on this journey. Sharing our experiences can create a powerful sense of community and support. Let’s uplift each other and continue growing together!
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