Here we are rolling into another year, another Thanksgiving. It's the 2 days away some of us have already removed our turkey from the freezer, some it may be tomorrow. I do feel like this holiday has a lot of stress that surrounds it. Why?
In my opinion, I believe it is because society and others have made it seem that everything needs to be perfect. Look on any social media and you'll see what you think is perfection. I guarantee that it is not, and who knows what kind of blood, sweat, and tears went in to that picture to post on social media.
There are people that when they see this, they will think that is what we all have to live up to and we don't. It creates expectations that are reachable, but at what cost? What is it that you get with a "perfect" Thanksgiving? Angry, stressed, upset, anxious, depressed, etc. especially when things may start to go not as planned, because in my experience, the more I try to make something "perfect" the more likely that something will go wrong.
So I invite you to not strive for perfection, to go with the flow of the holiday and focus on what really matters. Friends and family!
Why Perfection isn't the goal
What do us neuro-spicy folks really gain from chasing perfection? For me, it’s a cocktail of stress, anxiety, and overwhelming emotions. And let me tell you, it’s so not worth the hit to my mental health. I’m learning not to care what others think—and honestly, things won’t be perfect, and that’s okay. Perfection isn’t real, so why exhaust ourselves trying to achieve it?
Instead, embrace the chaos. Go with the flow. Celebrate the holiday with the people you care about, focus on the food (yum), and let go of the idea that everything needs to run smoothly. Life is messy, and honestly, those imperfections make the best memories.
I’ll never forget Thanksgiving sometime between 2006 and 2009—the first one after my mom passed. My sister and I were put in charge of cooking. It wasn’t a complicated menu: turkey, mashed potatoes, maybe some carrots, and a pumpkin pie. Simple, right? Except the turkey didn’t turn out at all. I couldn’t tell you what happened because I don’t even remember—it just didn’t work. We ended up eating something else entirely.
And you know what? It was hilarious. Even now, almost 20 years later, my sister and I still laugh about it. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t need to be. We made the best of it, and we created a memory we’ll cherish forever.
Here’s the thing: if something goes wrong, stressing over it won’t fix it. Maybe you pull out some steaks, whip up spaghetti, or just roll with whatever you have on hand. If someone gets upset over a less-than-perfect Thanksgiving, maybe they need to take a look inward.
Break Thanksgiving Into Manageable Steps
If you’re aiming for a smooth day, break the prep into smaller, realistic tasks. Here’s how:
1. Delegate
Don’t take it all on yourself. If your Thanksgiving involves a large group, make it a team effort. For example, my family is doing a potluck-style meal this year. Two people are handling the turkey, I’m in charge of mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, and others are bringing sides, drinks, and desserts.
Not only does this ease the workload, but it also helps everyone save money—something we could all use right now.
2. Focus on Essentials
Get the must-do tasks done early. If you’ve got cleaning or food prep to handle, start today or tomorrow. Waiting until Thanksgiving morning to do everything? That’s a recipe for disaster and unnecessary stress.
3. Let Go of the Extras
If time is tight, skip the fancy stuff. Can’t make dessert from scratch? Buy a pumpkin pie. No one has the right to judge if they’re not contributing. Sometimes simplifying is the smartest move.
Mental Prep tips
1. Set Boundaries
If someone’s request or behavior will push you to your limit, it’s okay to say no. It doesn’t matter who it is—your mental health matters more.
2. Focus on Gratitude
Shift the spotlight from perfection to thankfulness. What are you grateful for? Who are you grateful for? Centering gratitude can make the day feel more meaningful.
3. Prepare for Family Dynamics
If you know there’s tension between certain family members, remind yourself that you can’t control others’ actions. If they can’t behave for one day, that’s on them—not you.
4. Practice Self-Care
Treat yourself! Maybe it’s a little indulgence like your favorite dessert or a relaxing bath once the day is over. Hosting? Delegate cleanup—or leave it for later. You deserve to unwind.
Quick tips for day of
- Use a flexible schedule—things happen, and that’s okay.
- Simplify where you can. Store-bought options or disposable dishes? Yes, please.
- Laugh off the mistakes. They’ll probably become your favorite stories later.
- Take photos. Memories with loved ones are what truly last.
Closing thoughts
Thanksgiving isn’t about perfection; it’s about connection and gratitude. Trying to force a flawless holiday only creates unnecessary stress and anxiety. Instead, focus on what matters: the people around you, the food you enjoy, and the memories you create.
When the day comes, remind yourself: I plan for things to go smoothly, but I’ll roll with whatever the day brings.
Now it’s your turn—what are you doing to prepare for Thanksgiving? How are you making it less stressful and more meaningful? Let me know in the comments!
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